


you pick a fight and I'll define it

by quirkily



Series: why can't we be friends when we are lovers? [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Friends With Benefits, Gay William "Dex" Poindexter, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Miscommunication, No Smut, POV Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Poet Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Recreational Drug Use, but no actual cheating, cue the ~emotional angst~, except they're both really bad at it, honestly why cant these boys just talk to each other, just a big misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 16:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19233316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirkily/pseuds/quirkily
Summary: They don’t talk about it.They play hockey, and argue, and eat pie, and study, and argue, and it happens again, and they don’t talk about it.The third time it happens, Nursey mumbles out a “Dex, what are we-,” before he’s pulled back into a kiss that shuts him up.It becomes as routine as their arguments. Nursey has now memorised the way Dex’s face flushes in a very different context, and his notebook is almost filled.He’d like to say his poetry is becoming more original, but stanzas about passion and longing feel about as cliche as it can get.





	you pick a fight and I'll define it

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the culmination of an incredibly angsty month where the only thing I read was nurseydex fic and the only thing I listened to was The 1975. 
> 
> This is loosely based around 'tootimetootimetootime'.

They’re arguing. Again. 

 

Not that its a surprise. It happens so often that the image of this red-faced, spluttering, arms-waving-like-windmills Dex is permanently ingrained in Nursey’s brain. It’s taken up plenty of room across pages of his notebooks, scribbles about eyes blazing with fire and words sharp as knives.

 

It’s all terribly cliche. Nursey can imagine the look on his poetry teacher’s face if he were to hand any of it in. Not that he ever will. 

 

So Nursey knows the expression on Dex’s face. He knows what the twitch in his left cheek means, and anticipates the comment about Andover before Dex says it.

 

“Not all of us had the privilege of going to some fancy rich boarding school where everything was handed to you on a golden platter -,” Dex is spitting out.

 

Nursey knows how this argument goes. They’ve had it so many times that he could write up an entire play-by-play. None of their points are original anymore, and Nursey’s going through the motions more than anything when he replies, “Oh yeah, because being a black queer guy surrounded by white assholes was the time of my life.” 

 

Dex responds with the practised, “And I’m just another conservative white asshole, right?” and the argument continues. 

 

Any indignant anger Nursey used to feel at that has long since vanished. As he looks at the oh so familiar expression twisting up Dex’s features, all he feels is  _ exhausted _ .

 

Dex is still raving and all Nursey wants is for him to  _ shut up _ . He fixates on the way Dex’s amber eyes are lit up, crackling like a bonfire. He follows the curve of Dex’s smirk as he says what Nursey is sure is a particularly nasty remark but one he doesn’t hear. 

 

He startles when he realises Dex has stopped talking. Dex is looking at him expectantly, confusion creeping into his features. Nursey realises he hasn’t replied. They’ve had this argument a million times, but this time he’s gone off script. 

 

The tension is still in the air around them, waiting for something to happen. This is uncharted territory.

 

Nursey had wanted Dex to shut up, but now that he has, he’s at a complete loss of what to do. 

 

Dex draws his eyebrows down and opens his mouth, and Nursey is overtaken by the sudden fear of whatever it is Dex is about to say, something new, something he hasn’t had time to guard himself against. 

 

Acting on pure instinct, Nursey reaches out, grabs the front of Dex’s shirt, and smashes their mouths together before Dex has a chance to let out his scathing remark. 

 

Dex makes a startled, disgruntled noise that Nursey really, really,  _ shouldn’t _ like, but he  _ does, _ and then they’re kissing.

 

Angry, heated kissing and part of Nursey thinks that they’re still arguing, but he can’t find it in himself to care. 

 

Dex is pulling him back towards the bottom bunk, and Nursey is hopeless to do anything but follow.

  
  


\---

  
  


They don’t talk about it. 

 

They play hockey, and argue, and eat pie, and study, and argue, and it happens again, and they don’t talk about it. 

 

The third time it happens, Nursey mumbles out a “Dex, what are we-,” before he’s pulled back into a kiss that shuts him up. 

 

It becomes as routine as their arguments. Nursey has now memorised the way Dex’s face flushes in a very  _ different _ context, and his notebook is almost filled. 

 

He’d like to say his poetry is becoming more original, but stanzas about passion and longing feel about as cliche as it can get. 

 

It’s a Friday like any other when he realises it’s worse than he thought. He’s making his way into the Haus, heading for the kitchen to grab some leftovers, when he notices Dex curled up on the couch with a blush high on his cheekbones.

 

By this point, Nursey thinks himself fluent in Dex’s blushes and he picks this one instantly. He feels his gut twist and silently begs himself to walk away.

 

He leans against the wall and says, “Don’t tell me you’re busy texting that asshole from the kegster, Poindexter?”

 

Dex startles and glances up, glare falling effortlessly into place, “He’s not an asshole.”

 

That’s all the confirmation Nursey needed. He shakes his head and walks back out the front door he’d entered only moments earlier.

 

Nursey had never really liked poetry about unrequited love. It always felt overly dramatic and depressing, and he’d never really understood why someone would waste time writing about someone who didn’t want them back when there was plenty else to write about.

 

As he looks down at the final page of his notebook late that night, words about heartache and longing glances hitting against brick walls, he lets out a bitter laugh at the hypocrite he’s become. 

 

\---

 

He meets Angela in Global Studies. 

 

She’s funny and attractive and when she invites Derek to hang out after class he goes along with it. If a thought of Dex flashes through his mind, its unwelcome and it goes ignored. 

 

Derek’s smoked pot before. Enough to know that it makes him anxious and self-pitying unlike anything else.

 

When she offers, he accepts. 

 

\---

 

“So Nursey, heard you’ve been hanging out with that Angela chick?” Ransom nudges him at team breakfast a week later.

 

Nursey sees Dex tense in his peripheral vision, but when he turns to look at him, his shoulders are relaxed and he’s passing Bitty the butter.  _ Wishful thinking _ , Nursey thinks ruefully.

 

“Yeah,” Nursey grins, leaning back in his chair, “She’s chill.”

 

“She’s  _ hot _ ,” Ransom corrects.

 

Nursey laughs but doesn’t say anything until Chowder prompts, “So? What’s going on with you two then?”

 

Nursey says “We’ve hung out a few times,” and lets everyone interpret that how they wish.

 

Amongst the hoots of laughter and Ransom’s congratulatory pat on the back, Nursey’s gaze stays fixated on Dex. 

 

This time he knows he isn’t imagining the tension in Dex’s shoulders. 

 

\---

 

If Nursey thinks their random hook-ups might stop after that, he’s wrong.

 

They’re both working on respective assignments when Dex groans and looks up, his expression like he’s itching for a fight.

 

“Chill Dex,” Nursey smirks, “You’ve still got a few days until it’s due.”

 

Dex rolls his eyes, “Yeah, except we’re spending the last two of them on a roadie, so no, actually I don’t.”

 

Nursey hums, “Should’ve thought about that earlier then, shouldn’t you?”

 

“Like you’re any better,” Dex snarls nodding at Nursey’s own homework spread out in front of him. 

 

“Maybe we should take a break, recharge our brain power,” Nursey suggests.

 

“Oh, is that right?” Dex challenges, and Nursey smirks, and then Dex is in his lap kissing him. 

 

It’s less angry than usual, full of a different emotion that Nursey can’t quite pinpoint, but he spends the entire night trying.

 

If Nursey thinks things might change between them after that, he’s wrong.

  
  


\---

 

“You’re the worst smoking buddy I’ve ever had, you know that?” Angela laughs and breathes out smoke into the starry night.

 

“Yet you keep inviting me back,” Derek teases.

 

“It’s pity is what it is,” Angela winks at him.

 

“Yeah, sounds about right,” Derek replies, smile turning bitter on his lips.

 

“See, that’s what I mean,” Angela sighs.

 

“What?” Derek looks up.

 

“You’re supposed to like pot. You’re a hipster poet with a reputation for sleeping around, you were meant to smoke with me, and have fun, and maybe then we’d fool around a bit.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Angela moves her head in an exaggerated nod, “Uh huh. Instead, you get all mopey and anxious over a boy, and no fooling around happens.”

 

“Sorry to disappoint.”

 

Angela just shakes her head, “I still invite you over, don’t I?,” and then after a moment, “Why do you smoke so much if you don’t like it?”

 

“I only use it sometimes.”

 

“That’s not an answer and you know it.”

 

Derek sighs, “It reminds me that...”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m petrified.”

 

\---

 

The strange thing is, Nursey and Dex have been getting on better lately. 

 

Chowder’s the first to comment on it, an excited, “You guys!!” during one of their Frogs-bonding movie nights. 

 

They’ve spent the past ten minutes bickering over what movie to watch, the same way every single one of these movie nights begins.

 

Except, instead of it devolving into a full-blown argument about Nursey’s shitty taste in “liberal hipster bullshit” and Dex’s shitty taste in “misogynistic male power fantasies”, they come to an agreement.

 

Or more accurately, Nursey suggests the most “liberal” movie he can think of, explaining how it follows a black queer dude and deals with an abundance of both homophobia and racism, practically begging to get a reaction out a Dex.

 

Which he does. Except, instead of the expected shouted objection, it’s a simple, “Sure thing, Nurse, let’s watch that.”

 

Nursey is speechless.

 

Luckily, Chowder fills the silence with exclamations of joy and hugs them both tight.

 

Unluckily, Nursey can feel his crush on Dex expanding in his chest.

 

\---

 

Before Dex had come out, Nursey had thought he was just another homophobic straight white asshole like the ones at Andover.

 

After Dex came out, Nursey still thought he was a homophobic white asshole like the ones from Andover. He just shifted from the type who called Nursey names and shoved him in the halls, to the type who hated themselves so much they would sleep with him before doing the exact same thing.

 

But then Dex had gone and kissed that asshole at the last Kegster. In front of everyone, without a care in the world. 

 

Nursey had felt his world crumbling beneath his feet as he watched them. Because maybe Dex’s internal homophobia wasn’t as deep-rooted as Nursey had thought. Maybe he was actively working to be better, which is what Nursey had been asking of him all along.

 

Maybe Dex was exactly who Nursey had known he was, deep down, but hadn’t let himself believe it.

 

It was so much easier to ignore feelings for Dex the homophobic, racist, white Republican from Maine. Those feelings were buried underneath mountains of anger and miscommunication, so much smaller in comparison to everything else Nursey felt around Dex that they were simple to ignore. Well, mostly.

 

But kind, thoughtful, empathetic Dex? The Dex that fixed Bitty’s oven without needing to be asked? Self-aware Dex who went and asked Shitty what the new insult Nursey had thrown at him meant? Who shouted back at Nursey in the moment, but followed it up and made sure he fixed whatever problematic behaviour Shitty explained to him? Who apologised in his own way, small nods and embarrassed scratches of the neck, unaware that Nursey had overheard his conversation on the phone, but trying to improve anyway.

 

Nursey had never had any hope repressing feelings for that Dex. 

 

Even if they still argued after that. A lot. Nursey didn’t think it was harmful anymore.

 

So when Dex kissed him, there was a split second where Nursey thrummed with possibility, hope at the future they could build together. After everything, he thinks it was an understandable wish. But then he came back to his senses and felt the anger still radiating off Dex in waves. He recognised the kiss for what it was; an argument. An extension of what they already had, nothing more. Nothing new.

 

But if it’s all he’s going to get, then hell, Nursey’s gonna take it.

 

Even if Dex is once again reminding Nursey of those Andover boys who kissed him in the dark and ignored him in the light. 

 

\--- 

 

Nursey sees the two of them outside the library as he scribbles down in his notebook. Dex and the Kegster boy Nursey refuses to remember the name of.

 

They’re talking. He swings his arm around Dex’s shoulders and throws his head back, laughing loud and happy. 

 

Nursey slams his book closed, shoulders his bag and walks out the exit furthest from them.

 

He calls Angela.

 

\--- 

 

Dex is tensed over the desk when Nursey enters their room. He’s just about to make a chirp about his terrible posture when Dex looks up. 

 

His eyes are blazing.

 

Nursey stops dead in his tracks. It’s the angriest he’s seen Dex in a long time. 

 

Nursey feels his muscles tense and braces himself against the door frame. He doesn’t know what’s got Dex so enraged, but if he wants a fight, Nursey will give him one.

 

He raises an eyebrow and plasters on what Dex calls his ‘Andover smile’. 

 

“Chill Dex, your ears are gonna start blowing smoke any second.”

 

Dex doesn’t say anything and Nursey’s smile wavers. 

 

Dex clearly wants a fight, Nursey’s just provided him with the perfect opening, so why isn’t he taking it?

 

Dex takes a deep breath, stands up, strides to the doorway and yanks Nursey forward by the front of his shirt, “You’re such an asshole, Nursey.”

 

Before Nursey can reply, with a protest or an agreement, he’s not sure which, Dex is kissing him.  _ Hard _ . 

 

He still has a death grip on Nursey’s shirt, and he’s pouring so much passion and anger into it that Nursey’s struggling to keep up. 

 

It’s harsh and messy, and Dex is biting on his lip, and in another context, Nursey would probably be into that, but… 

 

He pulls away, “Dex.”

 

Dex dives right back in to shut him up, and Nursey loses himself in the kissing for a few more seconds before he puts a hand between them, pushes, and pulls back again, “Dex, stop. Stop.”

 

Dex is panting hard, his cheeks on fire. Nursey expects the same fierce anger he had when Nursey had entered their room, but instead, Dex just looks miserable.

 

“Sorry,” Dex is running a hand through his hair, “I should’ve asked.”

 

Nursey reaches out but Dex moves away and sits back down at the desk. Stifling down his hurt at that, Nursey sits down on the bottom bunk behind Dex.

 

“You know, it’s not that I have a problem with you kissing me,” Nursey begins, unsure how to ask what he needs to without setting Dex off again, “You just seem… upset about something.”

 

Nursey watches Dex’s shoulders bunch up and an angry flush work its way up his neck.

 

Alright, that clearly wasn’t the right way to go about it. If there was a right way. Sometimes Nursey thinks that if Dex is going to get angry, there isn’t any way to stop him.

 

“No kidding,” Dex turns around, expression caught between angry and disbelieving as if he’s not sure if Nursey is actually that dumb or just messing with him.

 

“Um,” Nursey scratches the back of his neck, “What’s wrong?”

 

If Nursey thought he had failed to say the right thing before, he has now definitely gone and said the  _ wrong _ thing. 

 

Dex’s expression settles on angry, and he jabs a finger at Nursey, “You!”

 

Nursey waits for Dex to elaborate on what he’s done to piss him off this time, but the room remains silent and tense. 

 

“Did I play my music too loud again, or something?” Nursey takes a guess.

 

Dex stands up so quickly the desk chair rolls back a couple of feet. He starts pacing, arms swinging around him in that way Nursey’s all too familiar with, “I can’t believe you, Nurse! Was I supposed to not see what was going on here? Or did you expect me to go along with it, happy with what scraps you were willing to give me?”

 

Nursey’s more confused than ever, but he feels himself getting angry too. Dex’s tone is sharply accusing, and if anyone here should feel taken advantage of, Nursey’s pretty sure it's him. 

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Poindexter?” Nursey stands up and crosses his arms. 

 

Dex turns on his heel to face him, “You know exactly what I mean!”

 

“Actually, I don’t,” Nursey feels the snark seeping into his tone and does nothing to stop it, “So why don’t you enlighten me, great wise one?”

 

Dex’s cheeks are getting darker by the second, and he’s curling his fists so tightly his knuckles have gone white. “Angela,” he spits out. 

 

Nursey’s taken aback, but then everything falls into place. He doesn’t like the picture it paints.

 

“Seriously? That’s what this is about?”

 

“Yes, that’s what this is about,” Dex is fuming, “What the hell else would it be about? Did you seriously believe I was fine with being two-timed?” 

 

“I’m not two-timing you,” Nursey is exasperated, running his hands through his hair, trying to sort out how to explain everything to Dex when a thought strikes.

 

“What about Dylan?”

 

Dex frowns, “Who?”

Now Nursey’s the one who wants to call Dex out on bullshitting him, but he simply says, “Kegster asshole.”

 

Dex raises an eyebrow, “What about him?”

 

Nursey had always thought Dex was a terrible liar, but he’s doing a damned good job of pretending to be clueless, “Oh please, you’re always texting him. And I saw you guys outside the library the other day. Don’t pretend there’s nothing there.”

 

Dex glares, “And what? That means it’s fine for you to go sleep with other people?”

 

There are so many things Nursey wants to say to that. He wants to explain that he’s not hooking up with Angela, but the fact Dex hadn’t denied there was something going on between him and Dylan stops him. He wants to ask why Dex is so sure that Nursey is sleeping with Angela, that they’re not just friends, but he already knows. Years of being told to ‘pick a side’, being called greedy and non-committal, and constant rumours of him sleeping around answer that for him. 

 

So instead he settles on, “No, it just means I didn’t think we were exclusive. It’s not like we’re dating.”

 

It’s true. So Nursey doesn’t know why it scrapes his throat as he says it. 

 

Dex flinches as if slapped, says, “Right. I see,” and walks out the door. 

 

\---

 

Angela opens the door to her apartment without saying anything. 

 

She doesn’t say anything until they’re both seated on the floor in her room, she’s offered him a blunt he’s refused, and the silence has stretched on for longer than necessary.

 

“Don’t need reminding of your existential fears then?” she asks, blowing smoke towards her open window. 

 

Derek shakes his head and leans back against the side of her bed, “Nope. Nothing to worry about any more.”

 

Angela arches one perfectly sculpted eyebrow, “Is that so?”

 

Derek’s laugh sounds hollow even to his own ears, “He’s moved out. Living in the Haus basement now. Made up some dumb excuses about me being a messy roommate, but we both know the real reason.” 

 

Angela furrows her brows, “I fail to see how that makes you  _ not _ worried about your relationship?”

 

Derek shrugs, “I’ve already screwed it up and hurt both me and him, so what’s left to be afraid of?”

 

\---

  
  


_ the moment I saw you I knew we were destined  _

 

_ for war  _

 

_ we shout gunshots across the great divide between us  _

 

_ I find myself following the curve of your back  _

 

_ searching for a break in the armour you never take off _

 

_ your lips curl  _

 

_ issuing the challenge before you charge, weapons drawn  _

 

_ I connect the dots across your skin  _

 

_ mapping out my next plan of attack  _

 

_ your skin flushes  _

 

_ fire burning along its natural path of destruction  _

 

_ we waltz under the moonlight  _

 

_ both anticipating the dagger at our back  _

 

_ your amber eyes burn brightly _

 

_ golden sun rising over the silent battlefield surrounding us _

 

_ I knew the moment I saw you that we would end up here  _

 

_ but I still gave you all the fight I had  _

 

Turns out Nursey does show some of his love-sick poetry to his teacher. In fact, he submits it for a major assignment. 

 

He gets an A. 

 

Apparently, he does an excellent job of taking the conventions of romantic poetry, conforming to them, and then subverting them by replacing expressions of love with those of anger. He pretends that it’s intentional. 

 

“I’d love to know what text you drew inspiration from,” she tells him, “You’ve portrayed a true tragedy. A love doomed from the start.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ended a fic on an unhappy ending? I did tell you it was a very angsty month.
> 
> Luckily for all of us, my optimism and general need for happy disney endings returned in full force!
> 
> ... a sequel from Dex's perspective is in the works. It will be happier. Maybe.


End file.
